Solutions By Debbie Lanyon

Clinical Hypnotherapy & Life Coaching

Drama Queen, Are You?

Drama

Drama has several definitions, but the one commonly used in Australia for the singular use Drama is actually the definition for Drama Queen: noun “a person who habitually responds to situations in a melodramatic way’. We all know people who live a life of drama, people who we know as being dramatic. And whilst drama in this sense makes for great soap operas, it is not necessarily the case in real life.

 

When you constantly turn situations and events into a drama it can be exhausting, not only for you but for those around you. It prevents you for moving forward and wastes valuable time at work and at home. It can also over time end friendships and work opportunities. Stopping the habit of being a drama queen (male or female) makes you more productive, and frankly nicer to be around.

Have you ever been in someone’s presence and every time it is the same story regardless of what they are talking about, they can be talking about a meeting at work or making a cup of coffee. And it is all the same – drama. At some point in time I am sure we have all been guilty of this behaviour. But for some it becomes a way of life.

Traits of a drama queen:

  • blaming
  • judging
  • controlling
  • nothing is ever right
  • gossiping
  • criticising
  • complaining
  • always the victim
  • it is everyone else

Be honest now, how many minutes of your day to you spend being in drama?

Constantly being in these negatives states is not good for you, your health or anybody around you.

So how do you change this behaviours? In theory it sounds so simple, and in truth it is, but, and it is a big but; you have to be willing to put in the work. It has taken you years to perfect the art of drama, fortunately it won’t take that long to change, but it will take time and effort.

3 top tips:

  • Notice from the list above what traits you allow yourself to fall in to; be honest.
  • Become an observer in your life and when you notice yourself succumbing to one of these traits:
    • Stop and assess why? What need are you fulfilling?
    • Is there a need? If not, take a closer look.
    • Or are you doing the behaviour because it is what you have always done?
  • Ask yourself how you would like to behave in this situation and then modify your behaviour.

As I said it sounds simple, it is simple but does require practice and patience.

Have fun turning the focus on yourself. When you focus on yourself and eliminate your self-sabotaging behaviours you will start to see amazing changes in your life.

Deb

Self-Compassion – 2 top tips!

Self Self-Compassion

Self-compassion, being kind to oneself, can actually be harder to do. Following on from last week’s article on Kindness, I would now like us to look at ‘self’, in particular being kind to oneself.

It is true that we are often our own worst critic and judge. Who hasn’t berated themselves with things like; what an idiot, I am so stupid, what’s wrong with me, why do I always do this…and the list goes on. This is often out loud, but more often thoughts that pop into our minds. Once we get on a roll the mind will do its thing and actively search for other times when we have done similar things, thereby supporting our statement or thought. The mind is helpful like that. The truth is we would never speak to a friend, colleague or stranger the way we speak to ourselves.

As with mindful acts of kindness towards others, we can also develop this habit towards ourselves.

To increase self-compassion why not try these two tips:

  1. Pay attention when they are harsh on themselves. I ask that they note it down and then once a day sit down and go through the list and rephrase as if you are speaking to a young child, maybe even a younger version of yourself. Notice how you are much kinder, you see the good, and give encouragement for next time.
  2. Write a letter to yourself. If there is something that you notice as a theme, maybe you continually get angry when you don’t get your way. Write a letter to yourself about how that makes you feel and why, note that we all have our idiosyncrasies but that by seeing it you can work towards resolving it. Write how you would have preferred to behave and how you may do it differently next time. If you struggle with this, write like you are writing to a loved one.

Overtime if you follow the tips outlined above, you will change your attitude towards yourself. You will in time find yourself stopping before the critique is finished and mentally readjusting your thought. Being kind to yourself, having self-compassion makes you a better person, not only for you but for those around you.

The benefits to you of being kind to yourself are the same as being kind to others:

  • Better health
  • Better relationships
  • Better performance
  • Less stress, better coping abilities
  • Fewer negative emotions

So be kind to yourself starting today, it is in your best interests.

Deb

Be the positive change in your life™

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