In my blog on self-parenting the other week, I made the call on choices. I stated that our life, our day, each hour and minute is filled with choices. And we are the result of the choices we make. From the moment we wake up to the moment we fall asleep.

Often when I say that we have choices, I am met with a resounding – no I don’t have a choice, I have to do, wear, be, behave, etc in this way. When we drill down the statement what we actually find is that the person does not like the outcome of the choice they have made, they want different results. In order to have different results, you needed a different choice. Sometimes the choice needed for those different results comes with a little discomfort, often in the guise of facing some fears, a common one is disappointing someone. So why is disappointing someone less appealing that disappointing ourselves? And for most, it is easier to do what we have always done, rather than challenging ourselves to do what is needed to have the result that we want.

So yes, it is about choices and it is very much about the choices we make. We are where we are due to our choices, not someone else’s. Ok this may have been different as a child. But really as an adult, no one makes you eat something, do something, behave or react in a certain way, or even wear something. We can always say no, I want to eat, do or wear something different. I am not saying it is easy, but it is a choice.

So how do you start making more informed choices, ones that you can be happy with?

Always start with the end in mind, what is your desired outcome? And then be really mindful about how you make the choice. Some handy tips:

• Follow your instincts
• Identify your options and the outcome for each
• Understand what is and isn’t within your control with each option
• Know what are the pros and cons are of each option
• How would you advise a loved one?

And then make your choice. Once the choice is made, be fully responsible for the outcome. If you don’t like it, assess and start again.

Whether you believe it or not, everything in life is a choice.

Have a fantastic day.

Deb

Often I hear people blame their entire lives on their parents, other family members and basically anyone else who has ever crossed their path. Trust me I get it, I used to be the same about family it was always my mum or dad’s fault. The truth is once you are a grown up you cannot and should not use anyone as an excuse for your behaviour and actions.

So you didn’t get the love you felt you deserved as a child, you didn’t feel worthy. Again I get it, but please stop playing the victim, stop blaming others for your current circumstances. There is a reason there is a current in front of the word circumstances.

We are all exactly where we are due to our behaviours, you see we all have this magical thing in life called choice. We choose whether to get up in the morning, what we will wear, what we will have for breakfast. As adults the list is endless. Pretty much everything we do from our waking moment until we put our head on the pillow at night is a choice.

Now that is a great topic for another blog, choice, but today we are looking at self parenting.

Now what exactly does self parenting mean?

The idea of self parenting is that a person’s “mind” is created in the form of a conversation between two voices. These voices are generated by the two parts of the cerebral hemisphere. One is the “inner parent” represented by the left brain with the other voice being the “inner child” represented by the right brain. (Courtesy of Wiki)

We have all had that conversation in our head multiple times:

v child – But I don’t want to do it!, v parent – Get off your butt, stop being so lazy, no wonder you…

Situation – you fall over and hurt yourself –  v child – ouch! V parent – Stupid why were you doing that, you should have known better, you should have known you would hurt yourself.

I could go on and on, but I think you get it!

So how do you self parent yourself? Are you the same angry, hurtful voice that you feel you received as a child? Or do you give yourself good parenting? Are you kind, loving and respectful to yourself?

How to self parent better?

An exercise I love to get people to do, is to become aware of the voice and the word choices they use on themselves. Note them down, I literally mean this, write them down. Keep a journal of all your self parenting, and then here is the kicker. At the end of the day, sit down and assess what you have said to yourself, and how you have said it. Not so nice hey?

The next step is to reframe everything you have said to yourself and say it again. This time be consciously aware of what you are saying and how you are saying it. If need be talk to yourself as if you were a small child. Notice how much kinder, loving and gentle you are. If you do this daily you will soon discover that you start to pick yourself up mid critique and you can do an auto correct then and there. Before long you will turn that bully into a pussycat.

You see no one else is responsible for the voice in your head. No one else controls what the voice in your head says. You have a choice as a grown up about how you self-parent. Why not make a deliberate choice to be kind, loving and gentle to yourself. If you cannot be these things to yourself then how can you expect others to treat you this way?

So get out of your own way, and start your program of positive self-parenting. You will find your life will change in oh so many ways.

At the end of the day it is a deliberate choice to treat yourself well.

Deb